Awake

It’s 1 am on Thursday and I’m awake and angry at the world. Why am I awake? Well, it could be good ole fashion insomnia. It could be because my ovaries are trying to murder me for once again not giving them a child. And it could be because I can’t breath. It’s probably the breathing thing, because trying to convince yourself that unconsciousness is a good idea when you’re wheezing goes against all survival instincts. Well, at least it does if you have the overactive imagination that comes with anxiety, like I do. It could get worse and I’ll die in my sleep. Will it? Statistics say no, but it COULD and that’s enough to have me furiously typing on my keyboard instead blissfully sleeping.

Why I can’t breath is a mystery. It could be allergies from the frustratingly inconsistent Michigan weather. My body could finally be rebelling against living in a snowglobe full of dog hair. Or this miserable winter could have once again overcome my delicate California immune system and given me some other minor malady. It’s hard to say, and no answers helps my current predicament. And I can’t find my inhaler, and so now I have to once again return to the doctor just to get a simple prescription for one of my ever present and chronic conditions. But I suppose it’s worth the trouble if I get to breath again. But just barely.

Rant 2. Let’s talk about hormones, folks. Hormones are the absolute worst sort of torture our bodies inflict on us. They are continually frustrating, from unexplained anger at minor annoyance to this whole ‘love’ business that everyone celebrated on Tuesday. Love is probably the worst and most frustrating emotion there is, but my disdain and desire for it deserve their own post. Back to hormones. As you may guess, from the whole murderous ovary business, I’m on my period. I particularly hate the rush of hormones I get this week, as most women do. While I am a perfectly happy single girl the rest of the month, Aunt Flow makes me want to be in a relationship. Not just in a relationship, but married. It makes me want to be in love and have someone to hold me forever and ever. The rest of the month, I question whether I ever want to get married. The rest of the month, shit, I don’t even really like being held. Let’s face it people, cuddling is fine for a while, but it gets uncomfortable fast. Humans were never meant to embrace for long periods of time. Anyway, the change is most disturbing and I do not approve.

Finally, I have been avoiding posting because of the necessity (that I have imposed on myself) of discussing Trump. There’s just really too much to discuss. Too much wrong in what he’s already done and what he plans to do. He is a threat to the freedom of women, minorities, science, and (while some won’t admit it) all Americans. And I’m scared. But I plan on doing something about it. (That sounds a little murder-y. Reasonable things, I assure you). He also seems to have gone out of his way to pick people that oppose the very basis of the government agencies they will be heading (I mean Pruitt? DeVos? Where did he even find these people?). And geez, Bannon? Just in general. If it was only Trump, if it was only  one, corrupt person, I would have more hope. But he’s surrounding himself with unqualified extremists. And he has a Republican Senate to back him up.  This was far less composed than I wanted it to be, but it’s all I have right now. I don’t have the energy to sort through all my disbelief (and there is a new source of it everyday) to be anymore articulate at the moment. I’m sure more will come.

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