Michigan

I’m back, bitches.

Much has happened since I last posted. I moved across the country from California to Michigan, where summer is a pathetic, whimpering puppy compared to my beautiful, fire-ridden California. There is no smell of smoke in the air, no slight burning in your chest as you inhale the 110 degree air. God, I miss it already.

Instead it has been raining off and on since I moved here in July. Rain. In August. I mean, what kind of witchcraft is that? Everything is still green and alive in the middle of summer and it’s creating humidity. Humidity that makes me feeling like I’m living in the Devil’s sweaty armpit. It’s a lush, green horror land full of water and no extreme heat advisories. It’s basically hell on earth.

But besides this horribly mild weather, Michigan isn’t the worst place ever. And I’ll admit that not being in a drought is nice. For now, I can begrudgingly say that I am enjoying this state, so far. I have yet to experience winter and that will undoubtedly crush my soul. The snow terrifies me. I will not make it through this first winter with all my fingers and toes, if I even manage to survive it at all. Once the first snow falls, this blog will no doubt be a chronicle of my final descent into madness. I don’t believe I have ever gone more than a week without seeing the sun. I dread the dark days ahead of me.

Moving is awful. Packing is awful, driving across the country with a dog is awful, and getting your apartment, internet, and utilities set up and working together is the worst of it all. Moving across the country is especially awful because now I have to go out and make new friends. New friends. Just saying it sounds exhausting. Talking to new people is not the most calming experience for me and I loathe the new stages of friendship where you have to watch what you say. My friends (the few I keep around) know everything about me. Everything. And now I will have to find a develop that type of closeness with someone else? No. People suck. Maybe I’ll just live a solitary life and finish my Ph.D. early.

Oh, that’s right my friends. I’m a Ph.D. student, and you should be scared. This emotionally unstable little package is in graduate school and I will be using my knowledge for evil. I am getting my degree in plant breeding, which doesn’t sound threatening until you remember GMOs. That’s right, I’m going to create plants that turn people into horrific mutants, poison the water supply, and set a plague upon your village. And when I talk to anti-GMO protesters, I will be adamant that I chose this career because it makes me feel like God. Almighty. Powerful. It’s scary, so it doesn’t have to be true. That’s how this bullshit works, right Jenny McCarthy?

I might just be breeding for crops for drought tolerance, but a deranged, power hungry scientist bent on destroying the line between man and God is so much sexier. And exactly what the fear mongers expect me to be. And, God, I just don’t want to let the little people down.