Bird Mansion

Today’s post is about how the public school system in America has failed me. I am not a fan of art classes. I art things, but I don’t like the structure of art classes. They should exist, but I would like the schools to bring back skill classes like auto shop or woodworking. I want my extracurricular activities to provide me with a skill. And cars and wood can be creative. Oh, you know what would be great? A classes on banking and taxes on adult shit. Because I am adulting the best I can, and I pay taxes, but I sure as shit do not understand them. Or anything else. I do not feel prepared for the world. Please send help.

It’s super cool to know how to develop film, but it is not something that I happen to partake in on a daily basis. I would rather know how to fix my car or build furniture or repair things. I drive a car a lot more than I develop film. Because that is never. I am not a photographer. I do not own a camera. I would like to understand my car and I realize I could teach myself or find a class, but it would have been great to learn about it in high school. Instead I’m in my 20s slowly realizing I drive a death machine that I know next to nothing about. Scary.

I would also love to take wood shop and learn how to build things. If I had gotten to take wood shop in high school, imagine how good I would be at building bird houses by now. I could be building bird mansions with ballrooms and bird nest made of gossamer and angel dust. Wait, no, not angel dust. That’s PCP. If the birds want drugs, they can get their own. They have beaks and talons and I just have tiny fists. Birds can just steal from the drug dealers. I know if I was a drug dealer I would run if there were just, like, 5 birds attacking me.

Anyway, I would be building bird mansions so majestic that soon birds would refuse to live in anything less. People would be like “Hey, I don’t have in birds in my bird house, do you know what’s up?” “Yeah, the birds are used to a higher quality of living, you gotta get a bird mansion from Beth if you want any birds.” And I would be a rich businesswoman, selling bird mansions so extravagant and luxurious that bald eagles, the symbol of freedom themselves, would want them. Instead, I’m just going to become a scientist and try to better the world. Thanks a lot AMERICA. You failed me and the bald eagles. How do you sleep at night?

3 thoughts on “Bird Mansion

  1. Jessica Bowen

    While I do agree with you, some would argue required arts gives youth the opportunity to try out things they would otherwise never have been exposed to, broaden their horizons, and potentially give them a new hobby, career, appreciation, and/or passion.

    And my school had auto shop! I just knew I would kill myself if I took that class. I would love wood shop to be brought back…

    OH! And economics is where you are supposed to learn about taxes and shit… I didn’t but that’s what it’s SUPPOSED to include…


    1. I don’t want art to be gone, I would just like wood shop and auto shop too. I think they can both be considered art-y. And I would have rather done that than photography.

      Also, I’m very jealous of your school and I do understand that’s the point of economics, but it’s definitely not what I learned or was taught. Just like how in geography I was supposed to learn about countries and instead I learned about STDs. The public school system failed me there too, and now I don’t know where Ohio is.


  2. Jessica Bowen

    And bird mansions would be awesome fyi. We could expand that enterprise into squirrel mansions cuz they can’t be much different right?


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